Deepest Scars
by Fire.Rose.Black
Summary: Zuko thoughts throughout the Legend of Avatar....contains ZukoAang slash later. Rated M for a reason!


**Deepest Scars**

Chapter One: The Boy In the Iceberg

Disclaimer: Avatar: The Last Airbender and all references to it are owned by Nickelodeon, a subsidiary of Viacom. The transcripts I got from avatarspirit(dot)net. Not everything is directly from the script though. Everything that Zuko hears/says in the script though will be here, however.

Beta Spot: Open…and you know you want it!

Summary: What is going through a certain banished prince's head during Avatar: The Last Airbender. Will later contain Zuko/Aang slash and (maybe)hints at non-con-ish feelings (Zhao/Zuko)

Chapter Warnings: This chapter's relatively mild. Later the slash and dirtiness will show up.

---

I rest my forearms against the railing of the deck. It's so cold here. I hate the cold, as any fire bender should. It makes me feel…twitchy and jumpy.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm tired of searching for someone who doesn't exist. I'm tired of traveling, of having no home. I haven't seen my home in three years, and my treacherous brain tells me it's almost four years now.

Uncle is humming some nonsense from behind me. He always seems to be in a good mood. It makes me grit my teeth in frustration. How can he be in such a good mood when the only way for us to get home is to find this, this myth! He can return home whenever he likes, though. I must remember that and try to be grateful that he is staying with me instead. I take a few calming breaths and-

What was that? I take a step back, staring up at the horizon. A beam of light stretches up, rippling out in sheets of radiance across the sky. My eyes widen and I find myself biting my lip. I suck in a deep breath and let it go.

"Finally." I breathe the word. At last, the time has come. I will be going home… I turn to my uncle.

"Uncle, do you realize what this means?" He looks up from his little recreation and glances at me. His eyes are worried. I try not to see it.

"I won't get to finish my game?" I will not let his lunacy bring me down. Not now. I have almost made it; I can't afford to argue with him now, not when I'm this close.

"It means my search - it's about to come to an end." His only reply is a groan and I curl my hands into fists. "That light came form an incredibly powerful source!" I argue. "It has to be him!

"Or it's just the celestial lights. We've been down this road before, Prince Zuko. I don't want you to get too excited over nothing. Please, sit. Why don't you enjoy a cup of calming jasmine tea?" I can't help it, I explode at him.

"I don't need any calming tea!" I shout angrily. He only blinks at me, insufferable old man. "I need to capture the Avatar!" I turn away. "Helmsman, head course for the light." I am so close, so very close. I can practically taste it.

---

The night has fallen. We are getting closer. I am still on the deck. It is dark and the icy winds bite into my exposed skin, but I barely notice this. I am almost there. I have almost made it. Words cannot describe the feeling that balloons up in my chest. I am almost home.

Home…what a beautiful word. What a lovely word. A word that is almost unparalleled in its evocative pull. I say 'almost' because of, well, 'honor'. I yearn for my honor as much as I yearn for home. I am disgraced. I want, no, I _need_ my honor back.

I hear footsteps behind me and Uncle steps to my right side. Unlike many of the crew, he is always good about trying to stick to my right side, my…undamaged side, as it were.

"I'm going to bed now." He informs me with a great yawn. "Yep. A man needs his rest. Prince Zuko, you need some sleep." He always tries to moth- I mean, coddle me. "Even if you are right and the Avatar is alive, you won't find him." What happened to the Optimistic Iroh that was always present before? "Your father, grandfather and great-grandfather all tried and failed."

"Because their honor didn't hinge on the Avatar's capture. Mine does." Doesn't he see? Doesn't he understand? "This coward's hundred years in hiding are over."

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up for nothing, Zuko." His voice is worried, caring even. I turn away.

"I can handle myself." I say, aware I sound harsh and cold. Bitter, some might say. Well, I don't care what people might say. I am the way I am. I won't apologize for that.

"I know, Prince Zuko. Just…be careful." I do not respond. Eventually I hear him walk away with a sigh. I will go down in a minute. I do need my sleep if I am to capture the Avatar.

For now though, I glance around to make sure no one is near by. Then I let myself sink down to lean heavily on the railed, passing a hand wearily over my scar. The raw feeling of the skin faded long ago. Now it feels scratchy and uneven. The darker section that surrounds my eye is the worst, rough like sandpaper. I sigh and shake myself from my moment of weakness, checking again to make sure nobody caught it. The last thing I need is my crew thinking that I'm vulnerable.

Nobody can think I am weak. Never again.

---

The next day I find myself on deck, practicing in front of my uncle who is, as always, relaxing and eating.

"Again." He says and I control my annoyance at being stalled at such beginner's tricks. I use this irritation to fuel jets of fire that I send from my fists at the two crew members that agreed to help practice with me. I glare as both of my twin plumes miss and the two men send returning fire toward me. I quickly spring away, up and over them, flipping and landing neatly behind them.

"No!" Uncle Iroh sounds annoyed, for once. "Power in fire bending comes from the breath, not the muscles. The breath becomes energy in the body. The energy extends past your limbs and becomes fire." He gets up and sends a stream of fire in my direction. I don't flinch, knowing he will not let it touch me. Indeed, it billows out to my sides instead. "Get it right this time." He commands.

"Enough!" I snap, impatient. "I've been drilling this sequence all day. Teach me the next set. I'm more than ready." My voice dares him to disagree. I know of few people who disregard my commands when I use that tone of voice. Unfortunately, my uncle is one of them.

"No." I glare and he attempts to explain. "You are impatient. You have yet to master your basics." I open my mouth but he cuts me off. "Drill it again!" He sits back down

I let out an annoyed shout and kick a blast at one of the guards, shooting him several meters back. I stalk a step closer to my uncle and glare down at him, my posture confrontational.

"The sages tell us that the Avatar is the last air bender. He must be over a hundred years old by now. He's had a century to master the four elements. I'll need more than basic fire bending to defeat him!" My voice, which started level, has risen into an angry roar. "You _will_ teach me the advanced set!" I order.

My uncle looks up at me and we lock eyes. I stare him down ruthlessly. How can he not understand, I have no time for this! My anger is burning below my skin, warming me so I don't shiver even though it is still so cold in this dratted place. Apparently, Uncle sees something in my eyes that convinces him. He nods.

"Very well. But first I must finish my roast duck." I control my temper at the last moment and send a stream of flame into the air instead of at my teacher.

---

I track the flare's progress with more than a little smugness. Oh, foolish Avatar, you should not have alerted me to where to look so quickly! I train my telescope's eye down from where the flare came from to see an old Fire Navy ship. There, bouncing down the side, a small figure holding another in it's arms. Funny, I'd always imagined the Avatar as being taller, more imposing. Maybe when I see him up close…

"The last air bender…" The words seem funny in my mouth. The idea of a real live air bender still is slightly incomprehensible to me. The Air Nomads are so long extinct.

"Quite agile for his old age." I note, watching as he extends himself in another long leap. I turn to a crewmember who stands nearby, awaiting my orders. "Wake my Uncle. Tell him I found the Avatar…" I turn my lens, sweeping it over the landscape until I find what I'm looking for. A village. "As well as his hiding place."

Determination fills me and I allow a grim little ghost of a smile to flicker over my lips for a second. I'm coming home, and this old air bender will be my ticket.

---

That's what you think, m'dear! –cackles evilly-

Zuko: Don't bother reviewing. You all are just ditry peasants anyway.

Rose: NO! I want the reviews! Hush! –punches Zuko-

Zuko: -preparing to burninate Rose- PEASANT!

Rose: -looks scared-


End file.
